Because the topic of sales with heart and integrity is in the air, I thought I would answer three of the most common questions. Let’s jump right in!

Question: Earlier in the fall, I had a string of meetings with a client in which I felt really good, the prospect of working with them felt really good, but they didn’t come back. This happened at least three times. How can I motivate a potential client to take action without feeling “icky”?

I’m thinking that what happened here is a lack of clarity at the end of the meeting. In the Sacred Moment I teach something called “The Bridge” and it’s about building a connection to the next action step.

A conversation with a potential client is most effective when it involves a series of questions. Questions from you to them about their situation, until you understand what they are needing. Questions from them to you to build trust and understanding with you and what you do.

By the way, if you use a website, blog and/or newsletter effectively they’ll know you well enough going into the conversation to minimize their questions.

After that series of questions, it should become obvious what is needed, obvious to both of you. But that obviousness needs to be spoken.

“This is what I think you need.”

“Yes, that sounds right.”

And after that agreement, you need real clarity on what the next steps will be . Is the next step to write a check? Is the next step a meeting with someone else? Is there a decision-making process?

It’s easy to feel like you’re being pushy or intruding at this point if you ask what they need in order to take the next step that you offer them. But you need to ask. And if you are asking out of a genuine curiosity, really wanting to know and being unattached to what they actually do, they will usually tell you.

“I need to find my checkbook.” “I need to talk to my partner.” “I need to think about it.”

If there is any vagueness in the answer, anything that leaves you without a clear picture, then ask about it. “How long do you need to think about it? When should we talk again? What’s the next step?”

Make sure that whatever the next step, it is clear enough to actually be put in a calendar. This is called “The Bridge.”

One of three things will probably happen: you’ll either have a client that signs up right then and there. Or you’ll have something in the calendar about the next step: conversation on February 12 at 3:45 p.m.

Or they will refuse to get specific. In which case they are giving you a “polite no.” They don’t want, or can’t do it, at least not now, and they won’t be pinned down to anything specific. So let them go, and move on to the next interested person.

Question: I struggle when trying to decide what to charge for my services, and then later, when I raise my prices, telling my existing clients the new price. How can I do this without such a struggle?

It’s one thing to charge your price, and something else to raise it, eh? Well, let me tell you, if it’s the right time to raise your price, if it just feels right in your heart, then your clients are already aware of that on some level.

When we’ve helped clients raise their prices to their resonant or intuitively-based right price, the reaction they get from their own clients tends to be: “Whew! I was wondering when you were going to finally raise your prices!”

And you’ll probably also lose a few clients who needed to drop off anyway. That’s okay, there’s space for more clients.

You do, however, definitely want to take time in your heart in finding your resonant price, to make sure it feels like it’s time to raise the price, and not just your ego saying: “I need to charge more or I’m no good!”

Trust your heart, and trust the hearts of your clients. Then just let them know: “Hey, my prices are going up. New clients are paying this price, and you get my current price for another month as a thank you! If you have any questions, I’m really happy to talk to you about it.”

Question: I have 30 years experience as a medical doctor with patients using insurance to pay, so I have always tended to think of those without insurance as “the poor” and have tried to give them deep discounts. Now, I want to retire from that practice and do the holistic counseling that I love best, but I am still thinking
that these folks can’t afford to pay what I need to charge in order to make a living, what do I do?

Although this is a relatively unique situation, it’s not an uncommon feeling. When you do something that is so sacred, how do you dare charge enough to live on?

The first part of the answer has to do with finding your resonant price, as I referred to in the question above.

Even more important to recognize is that you are both needy and Divine at the same time. As a provider, you get out of the way and your best work just flows through you. And you still need to make a living.

If you only own half of the equation, you are accidentally taking on the job of the Divine, and saying that you don’t have needs. Humility is key here, as you accept your own neediness, and allow your clients to give to you also.

You are, in fact, “giving it away.” You’re not charging them for this Divine gift. But you are asking for your resonant price, and allowing them to be a Divine source of help for you.

This is a profound concept, and sometimes hard to take in, because of the humility required. In order to be effective and successful, you need to accept that you can be on the the receiving end of Divine help when your client pays you. This not only allows you to be supported, but it also allows the client to experience the Divine flow of giving that you get to enjoy when you help them.

The Sacred Moment when potential clients are deciding to buy is where the rubber meets the road. Either they buy or they don’t.

You can deal with this sacred moment with an open heart and still be effective in getting paid.

If you haven’t yet, you can hear the full teleclass I led by going here and registering for the audio.

p.s. Do you really need more people to say “Yes, how do I pay?”

The concepts aren’t so difficult, but actually practicing the teachings in the Sacred Moment can be quite challenging.
Things like:

• Staying in your heart when someone is upset about your price.
• Figuring out your Right Price in the first place.
• Turning your intuitive, indescribable amazing work into an offer that sells itself.

You can get the help. In-depth, hands-on, in your-bones, nourishing, healing help to implement a sacred approach to sales that will really help your business grow, and get the amazing work you do to the right people who really need it.

Join me, Portland, March 25-26. There are only 18 seats left. Early-bird deadline March 4. If your heart is calling, please take the leap. Participants are coming from all over the globe–Europe, Australia, all over North America. It’s going to be a fantastic group.

Read all about the Seminar. And ask me any questions you may have.

In the meantime, what are your experiences with the three questions above?

How’s your P & L doing? Got Balance Sheet?

Finance, in that big F sort of way, has not screamed for attention at its current feverish pitch any other time in my life, which is almost half a century long, and probably not in yours either. Which means it’s safe to say, our little personal Fs are bawling like babies, in that dysfunctional family solidarity sort of way.

Creating concrete systems for tracking each aspect of Heart of Business’s financial flow is on the top of my infrastructure-renovation list. But even more importantly, once that’s in place, is to become intimately familiar with how to take the information that those systems generate and begin making fully accountable, measured, and strategic business and marketing decisions.

I talked with Jessica Reagan Salzman briefly today, inspired owner of Behind the Scenes Bookkeeping services, and she stuffed our current entrepreneurial reality in a nutshell. “I’ve always believed that we need to run our businesses by the books, but now more than ever, those who’ve been marginally successful managing there money from the hip, need to rely on their financial books for guidance.” As I listened, my head was nodding up and down like a back seat bobble-head.

A Welcome Step Toward Business Transparency

Heart of Business has been amazingly successful for the last eight years with minimal attention to its numbers. Although tracking finances can be tedious and even anxiety provoking, not doing it ultimately limit success, and particularly growth. Someone on this team has to get intimately involved with interpreting the numbers at least monthly. First and last, whoever is involved in major decision making has to find support and rationale for them financially.

When I imagine the business’s financial numbers at our fingertips helping direct us during decision-making meetings and project-building efforts, a peacefulness falls over me. In my mind, Heart of Business’s operations would find a peacefulness never before felt in its life. Once financial operations become central, all the other aspects of the business–creative product generation, marketing, teaching, etc.–can settle into a productive rhythm based on responsiveness rather than reactive crises management.

What are those Financial Pieces Needing Places?

In businesses I’ve started and run in the past from a massage business, to a naturopathic clinic, to an editing business, I’ve always done the basic bookkeeping. I started on ledger paper many years ago creating the crudest line item categories for payments and a list of the clients providing revenue. I made myself learn Quickbooks, including managing an inventory and payroll taxes the next time around. I just about went bald doing it, but I took great comfort in balancing the books and knowing exactly how much our inventory was worth on any given day. In that business, I was fortunate to have an office right next door to our accountant. If you’re wondering, I learned everything I know about bookkeeping on the job, out of desperation.

1. You need a bookkeeping system beyond bank statements and credit card statements. What ever your level of sophistication, you need to understand and record money coming in and money going out. That may be as simple as hiring a bookkeeper and doing exactly what they tell you to do with your statements and check register, which is what Mark’s done for a while. Even if you do that, you’re still responsible for understanding how to read monthly reports and make decisions from them, which Mark has not really ever done, yet.

2. Understand what reports matter and run them monthly. Besides the traditional profit and loss statement and balance sheets, you need to consider what other reports are important to understanding your business’s financial health. If you have products, it’s helpful to know how many of what have sold. Is it up or down from last year, last month? You may want to track revenue based on various marketing campaigns to know if one works better then another. If you have an ezine subscription set up, is there a correlation to increased subscriptions, to purchases? There are many ways to measure your financial progress, you just need to decide what’s most appropriate for your goals and make it a priority.

3. With the real numbers in mind, you need to develop a yearly budget. “A budget, yuck! I’m my own boss now, I don’t need to deal with that much detail . . .” After being responsible for creating a $400K budget for a department at a medical school that included the college’s bookstore, I’m convinced that not having one is as detrimental as having a rudderless sailboat. You can grow and experiment, guess and risk, with money you see in your accounts, but you can’t plan. Eventually, you risk losing everything you’ve built. When you spend money over and over while chasing one good idea after another, suddenly there isn’t money for the rent, or your employee, or . . . and you’re caught with your belt buckle grazing your ankles.

4. To develop a budget, you need to have a working yearly marketing plan. Starting budget numbers come from comparing last year’s costs and revenues and projecting how you think you’ll do this year coupled with new marketing ideas, creative projects, and expected revenue increases. You also need to consider upcoming expenses you know you’ll have. That could be for things like seminars to hone your skills or office equipment upgrades. Remember, once you have a budget then you can manipulate the money as the year plays out. You can move sums of money from one designated area to another as you adjust plans throughout the year.

What If Finance Tracking is Your Weak Area?

If finances are kin to the devil for you, hire someone you can trust to interpret your finances and commit to meeting with them monthly and making enough effort to be able to understand their interpretations. If you don’t have the money to hire someone, find a fellow entrepreneur who enjoys finances and who will hold your hand as you face your boogeyman.

I know dealing with all the details required to achieve fiscal responsibility may feel restrictive and time consuming when there are so many other things to take care of like serving your clients and being creative. But once they’re running smoothly in a sturdy system, you’ll feel freer than you’ve ever felt in your business. It will show you gratitude with more stable revenue that grows at the pace and to the extent you want it to.

In the End

It’s about continual tracking, decision-making, implementation, and assessment. The more conscious we are, the more successful we’ll be. The more useful the systems put in place to hold the information and energy flow, the more likely we’ll all be able to stir clear of a crises management routine. Crises always happen, but the blows are so much softer when systems are in place to absorb the shock.

Operate by your books. It does a business good!

“Why can’t I send them out? I feel out of integrity with myself.”

In different businesses, it’s the same story. The massage is over, and the massage therapist stutters asking for payment. The product is shipped, and you are waiting and waiting for the check- yet you don’t call and ask for it.

Why is it so easy to be out of integrity with yourself by not asking for the money you are owed?

Actually, you are trying to stay in integrity by not asking.

Huh? But it feels so out of integrity to perform work and not get paid for it, and not ask for the money. How can that be in integrity?

It’s true there is an integrity conflict, but it happened earlier than the time of asking for, and receiving, payment.

The integrity conflict happened at the time when your client/customer initially agreed to use your service or product.

Integrity has to do with wholeness–being complete.

When a new customer says “Yes” to your offer, whether it’s a class, a year-long custom consulting arrangement, or a pair of custom-made shoes, you are forging an agreement. A sale is just that: an agreement.

In order to be functional, and feel good, agreements need to be in integrity: meaning they need to be complete. All details accounted for.

What’s wrong with this agreement:

“Sure, let’s go to dinner. How about this Wednesday? Yes? Great, I’ll see you then.”

This agreement is not in integrity. Why, what’s missing? You’ve already spotted what’s missing- what time are you going to dinner? Where are you going to dinner? Are you going to meet where you are eating, or is one of you going to pick the other up?

There is no way to keep this agreement, because it’s not in integrity–it’s not whole.

And, there are other, less obvious details missing as well: is it a private dinner for two, or is it okay to invite anyone else? “I hope it’s okay, but I brought my brother along,” is not the best thing to say if your dinner partner has shown up in an evening dress at a fancy Italian restaurant expecting a romantic dinner for two.

Integrity. Clarity.

Getting paid easily and every time, without discomfort and without waiting, means you need to get really clear on the money details before you consider your customer has truly said “Yes.”

There are three details about money that you need clarity on to be in integrity. But even more importantly, how can you get comfortable asking for them, when you’ve been avoiding them all along?

What are those three details, and how do you find comfort?

Keys to Asking for the Money

• The three details: How, how much, and when.

1. How is payment accepted. Check? Credit card? Cash only?
2. How much. What’s the total cost of your offer?
3. When is payment due. Half at the time of scheduling? Payment right after the massage is over? Cash on Delivery? Net 30 days? Do you send an invoice, and when?

Sidenote on #3: You don’t have to follow the conventions of your industry on when payment is due. Just because “everybody” bills net 30, doesn’t mean you can’t ask for 30%, 50% or even 100% up front. In most cases your customer doesn’t care, they just want to know when.

If you are conscious and clear, and it’s authentic from your heart, your customers will do as you ask them.

• Clarity creates comfort.

It’s true that before you get used to asking for the three details, it can make your heart go pitter-pat. But let’s look at it from the customer’s perspective.

Let’s say you just decided to buy something you really want. What’s your next question? “How do I pay for this?” But what if it’s not clear how to pay for it? There’s no obvious register, no one you can find to pay.

How uncomfortable do you feel? Personally, I want to pay, and feel really uncomfortable when I don’t how it works. That discomfort alone can get me to put down whatever I wanted to buy, and leave.

Talking about the details is a point of integrity, and because it has to do with wholeness, it’s a point of comfort for your customer. And overlooking them may leave your potential customer feeling uncomfortable. Is that good customer service?

Ask for the details, and assure those “Yeses” end in payment. It will keep you in integrity, and your customer will feel much more comfortable.

It’s been almost seven months since I entered the Heart of Business, and coming up to speed doing administrative tasks, participating in a product’s creation, helping put on a five-day retreat, and filling in gaps while Mark and Holly went through their longer than anticipated adoption process, and more has kept me busy and challenged. In mad dashes to handle one urgent need after another, it’s become glaringly apparent how little planned infrastructure holds the business together.

Although Mark and Holly have embraced my pleas to put more stable financial, marketing, reporting, and project management, and other administrative  systems in place, it’s been really difficult to break the crisis pattern of operation that born of the necessity to get a small business generating revenue quickly. It’s sort of been like trying to secure tent stakes in gale force winds actually.

Ok, maybe I exaggerate, but these gusts of ever more attractive growth possibilities, and a series of unexpected events, have challenged my charge as Infrastructure Queen, let alone the business’s forward momentum. We’ve got to have solid systems to handle sales growth, product creation, and curriculum development, yet we have to be actively marketing and creating to keep the revenue flowing in, and there are only so many hours in a day. You know the story.

Just When You Think There’s an Opening to Get it Done . . .

Thankfully Mark, Holly, and the twins are back home in Portland, we’re clearly still not in Kansas anymore Toto. Holly is doing the mom thing now, and Mark is emotionally torn between his new role as dad and taking care of the business that  so needs him back full-time.

When the number of obstacles couldn’t have gotten more absurd, Mark got sick just as were beginning to regroup and strategize our efforts. He was beside himself in frustration and disappointment and, well, and I was on the verge of breaking under the pressure to hold more in the business for even longer. That was a couple of days ago . . .

Surprise, then two days later, I got sicker than I’ve been in years. Still am as I write. Holy moley Batman, now what? Remember that high school football game cheer: “Push ‘em back, push ‘em back, waaaaay back! Goooooo Wolfpack” (We’ll that was one of ours anyway. )

This parade of obstacles that keep raising their big ol’ heads has been quite a test of our mettle as a team, but they have only drawn us closer and made us more determined to take them in stride with deep acceptance.

Taking the Electric Screwdriver to the Bed Frames

Mark says to me this week, looking for fresh approaches to the business, “What would you do if this was your business?” Whew, no little questions here. In the same conversation he asked me, “If Heart of Business were a million dollar business, what would we need to do differently?” How could I not bring up the “I” word in both cases. I am the appointed queen of that domain, aren’t I.

I was overtaken by a silly image of a long line of empty bed frames catching musical mattresses that were shifting about randomly. I said to Mark, “If you already have the bed frames in place, you can move the mattresses around as needed. Having the framework in place allows for easy movement and fluid organizing. If we put the frames in place before buying the mattresses, none of us would have to hold each new heavy mattress alone while the other urgently struggled to build a new frame.” Lousy metaphor except for the “you made your bed, now you must . . .” You know how it goes.

The question is, however, how do we shift the pattern and get ahead in the frame building part of the business without compromising our revenue generating efforts.

Were talkin’ business culture shift here. Heart of Business must move from reactive to proactive when it comes to financial decisions, project management, and marketing. Because I’m the new kid with a great aversion to cramming for exams and all such last minute efforts, I’ve ended up with the electric screwdriver in my hand.

Ok Mark, I say, but if I’m in charge of the power tools then you’ll need to hand me the screws and help hold the bed frame pieces together while we work.

Enough with the Bed Metaphor, What Does Infrastructure Mean?

Remember going to Office Depot when you first started your business? How exciting it was to buy a phone, bookkeeping software, file folders, pens, paperclips–ah, the visions of order you would create. Remember finding a domain name, setting up your email, and creating your first website, developing a subscribers email list?

Yea, and then somewhere along the way the phone cord gets wrapped around your neck, you can’t remember where you put that tax form, you forgot to warn your printer that you need books printed in one week for your upcoming seminar, and sticky notes are growing around your desk like kudzu. You simply can’t keep gaining forward momentum if your systems of organization and information aren’t developing at the same pace.

That’s kinda where we are, only further down the road maybe. Here’s a few places we’re working on. Any sound familiar?:

• Organize systems for easy financial tracking–incoming and outgoing. Assess monthly balance sheets and profit and loss statements. Generate monthly goals.
• Run regular reports that track things like number of ezine and forum subscribers and unsubscribers, product and services sales, website traffic, client demo- and psychographics, so that we can make marketing changes that work.
• Create a how-to manual for all the facets of our operation so that someone can step in and take on an aspect of the business as needed. This includes implementing systematic approaches to all of our online marketing and services programs like AWeber, AMember, 1ShoppingCart, PayPal, Highrise, Basecamp, etc.
• Develop a stronger system for managing contacts and communicating about them within the business.
• Create a project management system, including a year-out plan, that will prevent production crisis

“Ok Then, Let’s Get It Built and Move on Already!”

So Mark asks me after I bring up the “I” word again, “Ok, so do you think we can get it done by the end of January?” (It’s January 20 at that moment.)

“No.” (Are you kidding me, I’m thinking!)

“Middle of February?” he asks.

I said, yes. The meeting ended, and I was left mulling over what just got agreed upon. Middle of February. Then it hit me. This is part of the culture change issue. Building infrastructure, like relationships, doesn’t happen, and then you go on to live a happily-ever-after life. It is a never ending effort. The success comes in having more bed frames than mattresses.

Don’t be fooled into complacency around your business’s infrastructure, especially if it is growing.

How Are You Managing Your Infrastructure?

It’s an ongoing balance. Building infrastructure requires resources, and gaining resources requires infrastructure. In the midst of growing pains, we at Heart of Business are actively seeking that balance regardless of the big ol’ obstacles that keeping coming up.

How about you? I would love to hear stories of how you strive for balanced systems development and revenue  generation in your business. If you work with others in your business, how do you problem solve these types of issues? How do you allocate tasks? And if you’re a million dollar business, (congratulations!) how has attention to infrastructure helped get you there?

“I am so sorry to write you like this: I just got laid off, talked with my spouse and he-she is angry, the stock market tumbled and took away my savings and I have to back out.”

Eeeeek!!! Argh! Clients can be hard enough to come by, sometimes it feels like pulling teeth, and then to have one jump out after they finally stepped in! Oh, the pain!

First, You Get to Have All the Normal Reactions

“Why me?” “The double-crossing so-and-so!” “Blankety-blank!”

Blame, anger, self-pity. All normal. Bring ‘em on! In the privacy of your office, they never need to know, and it’s better to feel those emotions, name them, and express them a little bit.

But don’t get on too much of a roll with them, because if you get carried away they can build on themselves. If you fully allow the emotion, connect with your heart, and Remember that there’s a larger reality available, you can access a lot of ease.

It’s also important to distinguish between the emotion–anger, grief, sadness, frustration–and the story, “They betrayed me.” “They disappointed me.” “They blanked me.”

Feel the emotion. If you can, drop the story. You can tell the difference, because the story involves the person, and the emotion is all yours, meaning no one did it to you, you just feel it. There’s more to it than that, but that’s not what this article is about, so I’ll diplomatically side-step it this time around.

Okay, so you’ve gone through your five minutes, thirty minutes, two hours, full day of upset, and you’ve come to a point of compassion again. Next step?

Drop Your Price Like A Rock To Keep Them

Uh, no. Don’t do that. Well, maybe… but I’ll talk about that later. No, really. There are times when you want to drop prices to keep clients, but not out of fear, or trying to grab onto them. That’s yucky and self-defeating.

What I Meant Was: Evaluate

Why do you want them as a client or customer? Take a good long moment in your heart being honest. Here’s some possible reasons that I’ve seen in myself at times:

• I could really use the cash.

• I really like them–they’d be great to work with.

• They really need what I’m offering, and it would help them a LOT.

• Having them (or anyone) as a client would help me not feel like such a pathetic loser.

Now, if we’re talking about being heart-centered and all, you might be thinking: “Okay, the first one and last one are for dweebs or the unenlightened. The middle ones are the ‘right’ answers.”

But hold onto your galloping heart for a moment: all of those reasons contain very legitimate needs that your heart has.

Legitimate Needs

Inside every reason for doing something is an attempt by our human heart to meet a legitimate need. We are all needy, every day, all day long, in myriad ways. If you look at each of those statements above, you can find a need.

• I could really use the cash. Need = Security, Safety.

• I really like them– they’d be great to have around. Need = Community, Connection.

• They really need what I’m offering, and it would help them a LOT. Need = Contribution.

• Having them (or anyone) as a client would help me not feel like such a pathetic loser. Need = Competence, Effectiveness.

Any story you have in your mind about what to do or not to do with a client, at the core of it, is a real need you have. It’s not always easy to identify the need under the story, but it’s there. And when you identify it, all the judgment just leaks away…

A For-Instance For Ya

It’s no secret that the marketing for this last round of Opening the Moneyflow was a little bumpy, with the little guys coming into our lives in the middle of it. (Thankfully, the class did fill up.)

But, before it was full, it was no fun at all to get the following message:

“Just got laid-off. Need to quit the class.”

Plenty of emotions to pick from there, especially in sleep deprivation and overwhelm. But there were some definite legitimate needs up around wanting to keep her in the class. Two of the biggest were (1) Contribution–in my earlier conversation with her I knew how much she needed the course, and (2) Support–we’re running the beta Heart of Business Train the Trainers program and I wanted some great people in the Moneyflow course to help train those trainers.

So, I told her: “You’ve already paid for a third of the course. Let’s get creative. I’m not going to let you just walk away.”

The result? It was very moving, I had tears in my eyes, as she explained the relief, yes the RELIEF she felt that I wasn’t going to just let her walk away.

Don’t Abandon Your Clients

When someone wanders out of the desert into your business and is counting on you to help them, but then backs away… don’t just abandon them. They are needing safety and guidance, and I’m going to guess that they, like most humans, don’t know how to risk asking for help.

It’s very easy to get scared when someone wants to back out. And yet, they are often very much wanting to stay.

Does This Mean I Always Have to “Get Creative” And Drop My Price?

Er… no. You have to stay in your heart. I’ve had several “creative” conversations with folks in the last couple of weeks, and price dropping only came up once, and that was a special situation.

As it turns out, the woman who lost her job and I spent some time on the phone in our hearts. She stayed in the course, and I didn’t drop my price.

But I was willing to consider it. I was willing to meet her, as long as it felt good to my heart. I’ve written about the Wackiness of Resonant Pricing before, but you don’t want to drop your price reflexively.

So how do you handle talking to them?

Keys To That Conversation

• First, What Do You Need?

It’s easy to pick up the phone or shoot off an email reflexively when someone wants to back away (either that, or hide under the covers.) But if you do, then you’ll both be triggered, and the mess will get deep, fast.

As I said above, you must take time to identify and feel your emotions, and then identify your needs prior to the conversation. So if you haven’t, go back and re-read that part of this article.

• Second, What Are Your Limits?

Are you willing to drop your price? Create different payment plans? Accept barter or work-study? What’s true for you? What other needs will be met if you do?How do you prevent feeling drained if you do change the details of pricing?

If you’re clear before the conversation, you won’t have to figure it out on the fly.

• Third, Listen. And Give Them Argh! Empathy

If you’ve let go of your own panic and reaction, you’ll probably have a lot more space to hear what’s really going for them. And instead of hearing that they’re leaving you, you’ll probably hear the pain and frustration in their voice from thinking they’re being forced to leave.

Give them what I call “Argh! empathy.” Argh! empathy is when you empathize with the Argh! without trying to fix it. “Oh my goodness, what a miserable situation! I’m so sad to hear that! Argh!”

In most cases, once you’ve given some Argh! empathy you’ll hear or sense some immediate relief. Then it’s no longer you versus them, but the two of you are suddenly on the same side, confronting a problem that needs some creativity.

Remember that if a client takes you up on an offer, it’s because they want it. If they back out, your reaction will make the difference between whether they really do back out, or if they feel enough safety and care that maybe they can take a bigger risk than intended and stick around anyway.

And you? What are your big challenges or strategies for dealing with clients who back out?

You know, sick.

And, so I’ve been going through handkerchiefs, and trying to rest so that I can show up and teach our class tomorrow.

But, the handkerchiefs got me thinking how many weepy moments I’ve been having lately.

Weepy Moments

The weepy moments have centered on two subjects: my little boys, and President Obama. I weep on my boys because of the incredible beauty and profound love I experience when I look at them (most times.)

President Obama because I am just awe-struck by so many things about who he is, and the manner in which he’s doing what he’s doing. Humility, sincerity, realistic, and a culmination of decades, nay centuries, of hard work to help to rebalance our society and the hates we have inherited.

You know, I’m not looking at Obama as a savior… just a manifestation of what’s possible through patient application of love, wisdom and strength. From slavery to the presidency- it’s a healing for our entire country, no matter how well or poorly he does what he swore to do today.

This Isn’t About My Boys or Obama.

It’s about weepy moments. Those weepy moments when something very profound and wordless sweeps through my heart, and reduces me to honest sobs of… relief? Love? Compassion? Peace?

I’m noticing that with all the stress this past year of an adventure in hiring and the long and tortuous adoption process, that I haven’t had that many weepy moments.

I’m glad to have them back.

The Heart Inclines Towards Weeping

That’s what the Sufis say. That the heart is disposed to weeping, that it is healthy part of the surrendering to the Big L Love.

I believe with all of my heart that weepy moments are intrinsic to a healthy business. Because without those weepy moments, where is your obliteratingly awesome attachment to love? And without that love, is anything worth anything at all?

Any weepy moments to share?

However, if you’ve noticed, it’s not strictly authenticity that works. In fact, lots of people can be themselves, and, well… uh… where IS everyone?

The missing skill is… drum roll please…

The Fine Art of Schmoozing

Schmoozing is different than strictly being authentic. Of course, schmoozing without authenticity is a bit painful. You could say authenticity is necessary but not sufficient.

What is schmoozing? Schmoozing, a Yiddishism if there ever was one, is the grease between the cogs, that little bit of social awareness that helps interactions go better.

Authenticity makes the grease more pure. Without authenticity, schmoozing is like using five-week old deep-fryer oil. Gross.

But without schmoozing, without that awareness of social interaction, things can just kinda … creak to a halt.

So, let’s talk about the ancient art of schmoozing.

There are a few time-honored traditions that the best schmoozers know how to do. The first:

1. Start conversations.

A schmoozer is willing to set the conversational topic, at least at first. And, the schmoozer is unattached to the topic- they know it’s just potentially a throw-away topic.

What you had for breakfast, the weather, any old thing can be a jumping-off point.

Example: I started a twitter conversation about my breakfast. Could be boring, could be a throw-away topic. But ended up not.

2. Make it entertaining.

A schmoozer is part stand-up comic. Well, it doesn’t always have to be “comic.” It can be “philosopher” or “dramatist.” It’s the stand-up part that’s important.

You have to develop an ear for what might be entertaining. My breakfast was entertaining because I wasn’t feeling well, so I was eating raw garlic, onions and goat yogurt. With a dash of cayenne. Exciting!

3. Treat the other person like they are royalty.

Asking opinions, giving them attention, sharing what impact their words have on you. Someone suggested avocado instead of goat yogurt over the garlic, as a way to avoid dairy, and I gushed on them with appreciation. Or something like that.

There’s a certain quality that is so healing to the heart when someone really gives you their attention, and cares about your presence. If you can give this in the social media arena, it makes a world of difference.

Greasy and Good.

You can see how this could be really, really oily without authenticity. But, perhaps you can also see how authenticity just doesn’t do the trick on its own. Because there’s a difference between:

“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to eat a remedy of raw garlic and goat yogurt. Hope I feel better.”

Versus the three tweets I did send out in succession:

“Time for breakfast! Raw onion and goat yogurt. I hope that doesn’t disturb you. It’s only because we’re out of raw garlic.”

“Oh! Thank goodness! We DO have raw garlic! Breakfast complete. Side note: I’m accepting visitors today. ”

“Okay folks, you know that scene in Alien? You know the scene. Well, my breakfast is working.”

I won’t say it’s God’s gift to twitter, but it is a little more entertaining than the first. The sense of fun, the fact that I’m talking to people, starting the conversation, and that I’m implicitly inviting people to make fun of me and/or respond in some way means that we had a lively conversation.

That lively conversation is part of schmoozing. There are other ways to schmooze, this is just one small example. But, the end results included a whole double-handful of twitter-follows, and some people who hadn’t yet made contact with me felt safe enough to reach out and let me know what they were thinking.

Do you schmooze?

Hey, I’m curious. What other factors do you think are involved with schmoozing in the social media scene?

Today I’m teaching again, and meeting face-to-face with Kate Williams, our Infrastructure Queen.

I cannot believe how amazing it is to have them home, to be home. To hang out with friends. To eat food that we’re used to (organic, vegetables, etc.)

I’ve got three great blog posts in the wings- some big insights over the last week with clients and almost-clients, and some reminders about pricing, and letting fish get away. All of that is coming up.

But, for right now, for today, just celebrate homecoming with the boys today:

That’s Samuel on the left, David on the right. Happy, healthy, and growing faster than the growth curve.

Thanks for celebrating. Thanks for hanging out even though the business content has been a little on the more minimal side the last few weeks. Thanks for the love and attention.

And thanks for affirming my experience that business can include ALL of us- that we don’t need to hide ourselves, that we don’t need to succumb to the curse of professionalism that keeps our hearts walled off from each other.

Peace and love to each of you.

Another kind of miracle is that, unlike the past few years, because of all my distraction, Opening the Moneyflow hasn’t sold out yet. And it starts next week.

That’s okay with me.

But, how about you? Do you want to miss out on personalized attention and focus? Miss out on six additional class assistants, from our practitioner program, in addition to my own very hands-on support? Miss out on new insights about blogging and social media?

Is it okay if your heart is yearning to get in-depth, hands-on, personal support and structure to get your business working and the money flowing?

If so, I encourage you to jump in. Fill out an application, and we’ll talk. If it’s right, you’ll be starting this coming Wednesday. Woo-hoo!

Click here for full course description and application.

And then let’s talk.

Suddenly, you’ve been on the phone for over an hour. And when you hang up, they still didn’t sign up for your offer.

You spent enough time on the phone and answered enough questions that if they were a client, you would’ve sent an invoice.

When Is It Okay to Say “I Charge for That” and Turn the Meter On?

Why so many questions? And why do you spend so much time on the phone with them?

Questions aren’t always what they appear to be. In many instances, the answer to the question asked isn’t what they are really looking for.

“Are You My Mommy?”

In the children’s book Are You My Mother? a small bird becomes separated from her mother and goes searching from animal to animal. She asks a dog, a pig, a horse, “Are you my mother?”

The little bird was feeling lost and needing help. As a little chick, she asked directly: “Are you my mother? Is this home?”

As adults, we’ve learned that the world is sometimes a scary place, and it doesn’t feel safe to be vulnerable. So we don’t ask, “Is it safe here?” Instead, the questions tend to come out, “What are all the components to this class? What are all the ingredients in this product?”

Until that person gets their real question answered, they are going to keep asking. And asking. And asking.

Wouldn’t you?

The Real Question They Are Asking Is…

They are asking if you are going to care for, support, and guide them. Can they rely on you? Is what you’re offering really going to work? An hour’s worth of questions basically trying to find out if there is enough safety, connection and trust here for them to say, “Yes.”

So how do you answer their questions in a way that will help them become a client, without spending an hour, being rude, or treating them like a child (which they aren’t)?

Keys to Turning on the Meter

• What questions do people ask you repeatedly?

If you’ve had a number of these conversations, you’ve probably heard certain questions over and over again. Brainstorm those questions, write up the answers, and put them on a web page, pdf, or some other document you can email them.

Because the people who are calling you aren’t children, they do need some information. Write it up and give it to them.

• Close the book and take charge.

I’m guessing you may approach a conversation with a prospect using an “open book” approach. You become an open book, and you invite them to ask any questions they may have.

Except that you are the expert. If you were to ask a brain surgeon about brain surgery and you needed an operation, what kind of questions would you ask? “Uh… does it hurt?” That’s right, you don’t know what the most important questions are, so you’ll just keep throwing darts in the dark, hoping that your need for connection, safety and trust will be met.

I don’t know about you, but I’d be nervous if a brain surgeon invited me to ask her questions before she had assessed me or asked me any questions of her own. Questions designed to help the surgeon know what’s really going on and how best to proceed. And also questions designed to set me at ease, as the patient.

Your work may not be brain surgery, but the questions you ask communicate: “I’m confident. I know what’s going on. I’m going to take care of you. We will get you help.”

• What do you recommend?

After 15 or 20 minutes of questioning a prospect, I’m guessing you’ll know as much as you need to know in order to make a recommendation: “I can help you, and I believe that ten sessions will probably get you the results you want, or at least help you make a LOT of progress in that direction.”

Of course, it is polite to let them ask you questions. But after questioning them and having a clear picture of how to work with them, it will be much easier to say: “The question you are asking is an excellent one. Here is a piece of the answer: X-Y-Z. And I’m wondering what you think of my recommendation.”

• Advanced tip: Web forms.

You can take a handful of the preliminary questions that you would ask almost anyone, and put them into a form on a web page that they can fill out. The same page that has the answers to frequently asked questions.

If someone is willing to fill out your form, it’s more probable that they are serious in their inquiry. And you will have a place to start having an informed conversation with them.